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| Fun Facts & Silly Stuff |
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| Best Things Anybody Ever Said |
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| There is more to life than increasing its speed. |
| Mahatma Ghandi (1869-1948) |
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| To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. |
| Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) |
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| It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life. |
| Irish proverb |
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| There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it. |
| Cicero (106-43 B.C.) |
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| Recipe (in its entirety) for boiled owl: Take feathers off. Clean owl and put in cooking pot with lots of water. Add salt to taste. |
| The Eskimo Cookbook (1952) |
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| Do not make loon soup. |
| Valuable advice from The Eskimo Cookbook |
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| Only sick music makes money today. |
| Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) |
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| It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. |
| Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) |
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| I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. |
| Will Rogers (1879-1935) |
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| Boy, the things I do for England. |
| Prince Charles on sampling snake meat |
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| THE AGE OLD QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road??? |
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| Dr. Seuss: |
| Did the chicken cross the road? |
| Did he cross it with a toad? |
| Yes!! The chicken crossed the road. |
| But why it crossed it, I've not been told!! |
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| Buddha: |
| If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature. |
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| Saddam Hussein: |
| It is the mother of all chickens! |
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| Grandpa: |
| In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. |
| Someone told us the chicken crossed the road, |
| that was good enough for us! |
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| The Pope: |
| That is only for God to know. |
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| Darth Vader: |
| It can cross, but it cannot escape its DESTINY. |
| Join me on the dark side of the road! |
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| John F. Kennedy: |
| Ask not what road this chicken crossed. |
| Ask what road you can cross for the chicken. |
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| Eeyore: |
| Doesn't matter, probably get run over, just like a chicken. |
| Fal-de-ral and merriment, I'm going to eat my thistles. |
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| Freud: |
| Thinking the chicken needs a reason to cross the road |
| reveals an underlying insecurity about yourself. |
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| Agent Mulder: |
| You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. |
| How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it? |
| The chicken is out there! |
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| The Borg: |
| Crossing the road is futile, the chicken shall be assimilated. |
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| Deep Thoughts |
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| How is it possible to have a civil war? |
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| If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? |
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| If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? |
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| Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? |
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| Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? |
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| If you woke up this morning with good health, you are more |
| blessed than the million who will not survive this week. |
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| If you have never experienced the danger of battle, |
| the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, |
| or the pangs of starvation - you're ahead of 500 million people. |
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| If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, |
| arrest, torture, or death - you are more blessed than three billion. |
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| If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, |
| a roof, & a place to sleep - you're richer than 75% of the world. |
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| If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, & spare change |
| in a dish someplace - you're among the top 8% of the world. |
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| Since you can read this, you're better off than the |
| two billion people in the world who cannot read. |
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| Work hard but don't love the money. |
| Love like you've never been hurt. |
| Dance like no-one is watching. |
| Live like it's Heaven on Earth. |
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| What goes around comes around, do your part for yourself & |
| evolution, spread peace & joy throughout the Universe. |
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| Say What? |
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A DUCK'S QUACK DOESN'T ECHO
NO-ONE KNOWS WHY |
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| For one word a man is often deemed to be wise, and for one word he is often deemed to be foolish. |
| We ought to be careful indeed in what we say. Confucious, 500 B.C. |
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| I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. |
| Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 |
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| 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 |
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| The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds. |
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| We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. |
| Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962 |
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| Who the (cough) wants to hear actors talk? |
| H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927 |
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ELEPHANTS CAN'T JUMP
EVERY OTHER MAMMAL CAN |
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| Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in |
| liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. |
| Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address, 1863 |
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| Friendship and benevolence are the two principal virtues. |
| Jonathon Swift, Gulliver's Travels, 1726 |
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| Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. |
| Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, Diamonds - Julius Caesar |
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| An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. |
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| When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year. |
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| Dogs don’t use computers because they can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've got mail". |
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IS THE ALPHABET IN ORDER
BECAUSE OF THAT SONG? |
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| The cause of America is, in a great measure, the cause of all mankind. |
| Many circumstances have, and will arise, which are not local, but universal, |
| and through which the principles of all lovers of mankind are affected. |
| Thomas Paine, Common Sense, 1776 |
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| Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction. |
| Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872 |
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| Everything that can be invented has been invented. |
| Charles H. Duel |
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| Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches. |
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| 640K ought to be enough for anybody. |
| Bill Gates, 1981 |
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ASKING FOR HELP IN THE SELF-HELP SECTION
DEFEATS THE PURPOSE! |
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| So we went to Atari & said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, |
| even built with some of your parts, & what do you think about funding us? |
| Or we' ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you. |
| And they said, No. So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, & they said, |
| Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet! |
| Apple Computer founder Steve Jobs attempts to get Atari & H-P |
| interested in his & Steve Wozniak's personal computer. |
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| Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons. |
| Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 |
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| I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper. |
| Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind." |
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IF YOU ATE PASTA & ANTI-PASTA
WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY? |
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| What is in itself nobler and more precious and praiseworthy is more desirable. |
| Moreover, if one thing makes good whatever it touches, while another does not, the former is more desirable. |
| Aristotle, 350 B.C. |
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| Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value. |
| Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre. |
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| The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific. |
| When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts |
| measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. |
| If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards." |
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| Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau. |
| Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929 |
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| There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. |
| Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 |
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